The glorification of BUSY

When we think of addictions we think drugs, alcohol, eating et al; but let me introduce you to one of the subtle ones that I keep hearing and seeing across multiple platforms….”BUSY”, yup you heard me…”I’m sooooo busy”…and somehow I think we have begun to applaud, or see that as an “accomplishment”.The truth is most of us are busy juggling multiple balls, but when I hear people regularly claimin…g this statement, I can’t help but hear “I want you to think I am amazing!”

Don’t get me wrong I think as humans we all have huge capacity to live full, accomplished and busy lives, but there has to be a balance in life? If we are so “busy” – it would suggest that something, if not many things are suffering – health, family, relationships or all of them. We all only have 24 hours a day, it’s a matter of how we choose to use them.

There is ALWAYS a choice to take “down” time, make time for recreation, get out of the rat race, downsize, make time for that friend, to put the laptop away and play “uno” with the kids.

I haven’t been to a funeral yet where the eulogy suggests that “their legacy was busy”…

What are you being busy with – and do you have the balance?
Lisa xx

http://www.eshecounselling.com.au
http://www.mindheartbody.com.au

Dear single parents…

This is a simple post to all single parents!

I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your situa…tion and that information is irrelevant to me for what I am about to say;

You are an incredible, inspiring, and warrior like individual plain and simple! I have several close friends who are raising children single handedly, I see numerous mums and dads in my counselling who are trudging through the trenches and I often sit back in admiration at their capacity.

What I would love to say to you is that I know there are days you don’t actually know how you are going to get out of bed, pay that bill, work a double shift, make that sports day, or be the emotional rock that you need to be for your children.

BUT, the truth is if you are doing one of those things you need to stand in the mirror and high five yourself. Don’t ever underestimate your capacity is in fact larger than most living with an extra set of hands. I know that you don’t believe that, but as we watch from the sidelines, we are your greatest cheer squad and we see things you don’t.

Amongst all of that it is so important for you to recognize that you matter in the equation, your health, your feelings, your dreams, and your passion. I know it’s hard to believe that, because there seems to be no space left but, all I am asking is for you find 5 minutes every day to focus on one of those things. Journals, vision boards, a note on the bedroom door that says “back in 5” and just breathing, sitting with a hot cup of coffee and enjoying the sunshine with no interruption.

Where you have external support, lock them in for help. Don’t feel like a burden, I would be so thrilled and would drop everything to help my favourite’s wherever I could – chances are yours would too.

Where there is no support system, create one, online, local community groups, counselling – none of these things will be comfortable but could be the beginning of a new you!

So from me to you…I honour, respect and am in awe of you TRULY. And one day, I hope your children will sit back and recognize the effort, struggles, sacrifices and compromises you made for them and say thank you but until then WE ALL DO!

You got this…I know you do!

X Lisa

http://www.eshecounselling.com.au
http://www.mindheartbody.com.au

She Talked

Tonight’s “She Talked” is the gorgeous Natalie Lands; woman, wife, mother and proud owner of Adelaide’s brand newest venue “Ten22” I have only met this gal a handful of times but she feels like an old friend! Her generosity, spirit, passion and drive for excellence and a taste for class is captivating. Not only does she juggle the role of all three hats she is gearing up for the launch of her “third” baby – a boutique Spanish flavored home away from home!

A virtual round of applause for tonight’s company x x

What would your best friend say about you?
Interesting! I called her up as I find this question most embarrassing! This is what she said! “Friendly, balanced, wise, hospitable, easy-going, generous & helpful” Awww I have the most beautiful friends!!!

Tell us about your typical day in a few sentences?
Each day really is so different. Must have a caffeine hit first thing in the morning! I do the morning drop kids off to school, then hit the office running. I love showing people thru our venue. Its exciting meeting new people and talking about how we can help make their event extra special.

What is one thing that is taking up a lot of your “though” life?
For this season the venue is probably taking most of my thought life! We want our venue to go above and beyond every expectation. From the service we give people, to the food we serve to the atmosphere that is created for each event. So a lot of time and thought is taken on how we can achieve the best experience for our clients.

If you could go back and tell your 15yr old self one thing, what would it be?
To be strong and courageous, and not let self doubt and intimidation hold me back.

What is the most helpful piece of advice anyone has given you?
“The smaller fish are always the sweetest” Even the smallest of things are often the most important and most rewarding!

If you created a bumper bar sticker what would it say?
“The smaller fish are always the sweetest”

What is one tip you would give for balancing your personal and professional life?
I think this is always a challenge and still a working progress but I try to always keep perspective on what is really important in life. For me its my family, the people I love. And always remembering at the end of each day there’s’ always another! Knowing time management, when its work time its work, and when its family time work is nowhere to be seen!

When you are down in the dumps how do you get yourself back up?
Phone a friend ha ha ! Literally! I’m not the kind of person to hold things in I have to get my thoughts & feelings out. I have some beautiful people in my life that I trust and will always give great perspective! Other than that a piece of chocolate & cup of tea does go a long way!

What couldn’t you live without?
My toothbrush!

What is one of the proudest moments of your life?
Giving birth to my two beautiful children! I know it sounds cliché but it took approximately 12 years to fall pregnant, so I feel so blessed to have them!

What is your definition of success and/or failure?

This is a very deep question ! My moTto is always “if at first you don’t succeed try & try again.” Never give up on your dreams.

What gets you fired up?
Injustice

How do you nurture ALL of you?
At the moment I don’t think I do!! Really need to work on that! Any tips?

Seinfeld or Friends?
Both

Hamish or Andy?
How can you separate them?! Both so funny!

What has been your favourite travel destination and why?
Haven’t really travelled a lot so if my husband is reading this PARIS PLEASE!!!!!

What character of a movie would you LOVE to play?
Angelina Jolie in tomb raider! Would love to do all those stunts!

In your business, what is the most rewarding experience?
Being a part of someone’s’ special day & celebration in their life. A significant commitment, a special celebration, a birthday….its a real honour to be part of it.

https://www.facebook.com/TEN22BV?ref=br_tf

http://www.ten22.com.au

“She Talked”

We thought it might be interesting to know the faces behind “Eshé Counselling” and “She Talked” as we kick off 2014. Tonight’s interview is with Lisa Bondarenko who candidly shares a view into her personal world, some of her triumphs, trials and ultimately some of her key ingredients in “doing” life!

What would your best friend say about you?

What I would like them to say about me might be different, but I think they would say that I was fun, generous and colourful?!!!

If you could go back and tell your 15yr old self one thing, what would it be?

Be true to yourself, “normal” is not the epitome of success and invest in amazing people.

What is the most helpful piece of advice anyone has given you?
Tomorrow is always a new day….(thanks Mum!)

If you created a bumper bar sticker what would it say?
“Slow walkers – you kill me!”
(baaaahaaaaaa there is some context but will leave that alone for this audience )

What is one tip you would give for balancing your personal and professional life?

Well balance is the word most of us don’t do well, but I truly think it is about being in tune with your own needs, desires and not being influenced by what you “should, could or would” be doing in comparison to others.

AND personal ALWAYS come first for me no matter what!

Famous five you would invite to your place for dinner?
Hamish Blake – seriously he makes me have asthma attacks from laughing!
Alicia Keyes – amazing entertainer, humanitarian and sass
Keith Urban – I love him (metaphorically) hmmmm duet with Alicia?
Christine Caine – A21 Campaign – enough said…
Mother Theresa – to look “grace” in the eyes

When I look back on my life I remember….
To whom much is given, much is expected so get on with it…

When you are down in the dumps how do you get yourself back up?
Hmmmm its an interesting one because the problem is I know what I “should” be doing from a textbook perspective! However, I do allow myself a small pity party – hey I throw a good one but it has a cut off time and then its about taking control mainly of my mind and I have been known to give myself a stern talking to in the mirror!!!!

What is one of the proudest moments of your life?
Hands down the birth of my baby boy – he was worth the years and tears!

What is your definition of success and/or failure?
I only believe in success – even if I try and fail, at least of tried. Hmmmm, maybe failure is not having the guts to fail?

What is one of the most challenging seasons of your life and what got you through?

8 years of infertility, more heart ache and trauma I care to share and being lost in a medical system who labeled me a “hopeless” cause would probably be classified as a “challenging season”.

It affected every area of my life, my self esteem took a massive hit and is still in the process of being rebuilt, my marriage which is one of my most cherished relationships was tested in every area, my faith was brought to “its knees” quite literally, I lost and distanced myself from certain friends, I gained amazing new ones and learnt a whole lot about myself, grief, loss, and the beauty of life along the way.

Even though especially towards the end it was the size of a “mustard seed” my faith and trust in God that somehow he would turn “all things around for good” – even if that meant my dream of having a baby never came true was my foundation and kept me “sane”. (just)

I became incredibly protective of my heart and soul, which included removing myself from situations and people even very close ones who inadvertently disappointed and hurt me.

I learnt that tenacity was in fact a great weapon albeit the trait that sometimes created more tears and heartache along the way!

I chose a mindset.

I cried more tears than I thought physically possible.

I enlisted a support crew of counselors who without doubt kept my head above water with encouragement, hope, and tools for the road. #foreverthankful

I never gave up hope despite the grim picture.

I didn’t take the doctors word as gospel.

I pushed boundaries.

What gets you fired up?

Hands down; injustice of any kind it can keep me up at night!

Which three things would you take on an island for one week?

As a pasty white, freckle faced chick the options are limited to sunscreen, a burka, and canopy….I dream about being the bikini, coconut drinking, spear fishing mermaid but sometimes a girl just needs to be realistic!!

What is your greatest hope for 2014?

Health and wellbeing in every area of my world. For continuing incredible relationships, enough professional opportunities to challenge and stretch me, and for simple, old fashioned fun.

How do you nurture ALL of you?

I need “me” time like oxygen – that doesn’t mean weekends away it can be as simple as half an hour to “people watch” over coffee, or a walk.
Regular date nights with my hubby – #nonnegotiable.
Exercise and healthy eating.
Not going to lie – shopping is VERY nurturing for me!!!
Hanging with my family and friends.
I need to belly laugh regularly – the good news is I can laugh at myself which is helpful!

Seinfeld or Friends?

It’s a tough call but I would go with Seinfield…still makes me laugh and sometimes Rachel and Ross are just plain annoying!

What goal have you set yourself?

Late last year I brought to life a five year dream and launched “Mind Heart Body” which is a new womens health retreat being run in April of this year in Adelaide – all things health and wellbeing! http://www.mindheartbody.com.au

And I will finish the book I am writing….

What book are you reading at the moment?

Dr Caroline Leaf “Switch on your brain”

What has been your favourite travel destination and why?

I have been so fortunate to have travelled extensively but I would say Amalfi Coast, Italy is a stand out – my honeymoon PLUS those Italians know how to eat and dress…what more is there to life??

What character of a movie would you LOVE to play?

Ask any of my friends – I would be happy to play a tree…. I just want to be famous 

In your business, what is the most rewarding experience?

Watching people overcome obstacles that could quite take them out of the game of life. Receiving a text from someone across the other side of the world achieving their goals with a “thank you for encouraging me – I DID IT” will NEVER get old!

I am humbled daily at the gift I have been given to do what I do.

The Suitcase…

As the year is wrapping up to a finale, I wanted to write my final blog with a thank you, this is what I have learned, what I wish for you and your families, and a very big Merry Christmas all rolled into one!

By the time you are reading this I will have set sail on a big cruise liner (not P&O!) with my entire family, an epic adventure and opportunity to relax and enjoy one another’s company. People keep asking me what ports we are going to and the truth is I’m not great with detail, but in my defense when this was booked I had a 2 week old baby and at that point I was happy to go round and round and round in circles in the Sydney Harbour – I mean who cares where you go people?!!!!

I got all of the suitcases out in preparation for packing this week and I found an old airline tag still wrapped around mine. It represented a journey I travelled not that long ago, a rugged one in fact. As I stared at that crinkly piece of paper wrapped around the handle, I pondered the concept of “baggage”, it’s a concept that is thrown around a lot and generally not in a positive light!  I looked into that empty suitcase, waiting to be jam packed full of all things new this time around and thought how incredible life is but mostly at how my “baggage” was still all stuffed in there never to be forgotten, but in its healthy place.

There is no doubt 2013 for me personally has been the highlight of my life, a new baby boy who was worth all the years and tears. It’s been a challenge, complete change in lifestyle and a road that has taken me to places of my soul I didn’t know existed.

What I continue to learn through myself and others experiences, is that life absolutely NEVER goes to plan for anyone all of the time. And what I say to that is – thank God! A generalized statement perhaps, but as human beings we want what we want when we want them. Full stop! Truth be told sometimes those things aren’t actually the best option for us, or sometimes it’s not in the destination but rather the path by which we have to fight for, push for, dig deep for and aim for in life which makes us the best version of ourselves and contributes to that suitcase bulging at the seams with all kinds of amazing!

I don’t know what 2013 has looked like for you and I certainly don’t know what 2014 has in store for even myself. But what I can say is that whatever you are doing today, whoever you are with, wherever you are in the journey of life, your suitcase has been jam packed over the course of your life with experiences, skills, relationships, knowledge and strategies that you need to make it through your next trip. You may need to re- fold, swap some items, pack lighter, increase your baggage capacity or dare I say minimize, but it is all in there – you might just need to dust it off and bring it out of storage.

Perhaps this year has not finished how you had hoped, someone or something is missing, the ending or beginning of a dream has not panned out well, or maybe you have a three letter coded destination strapped on your suitcase that you want to ignore – a place of unknown, dread or fear that has you paralyzed? Whatever your “baggage” – trust in the process of life, but mostly trust in yourself to be “strong and courageous” to walk into a new year knowing that next time you pull out your bag you could very well be heading to the destination you have been waiting for.

Thank you to all of those who I have loved and received loved from this year in various forms, to all I have had the privilege of walking alongside as you pack and unpack your suitcase, to those who have come and gone, old and new, close and far away – I wish you all a safe and incredibly blessed Christmas and an even better New Year.

Lisa

x x x