She Talked………………………………….. with Ruth Barker

Ruth Barker is certainly no ordinary women, having faced many of life’s biggest challenges and making her way though with guts and determination that is palpable.  This is a woman who knows her capabilities and doesn’t let anything stand in her way. As an ICU nurse I have been witness to many organ transplants and what most of the public is unaware of is the months of pain and continual ups and downs patients go through whilst waiting to see if the transplant is successful or rejected – it is a journey that rocks people to the core and IF they make it through they are changed forever. Ruth has courageously made it through and shares some of her journey with us.  Ruth is wife to Kevin and the owner of Toddler Education Services and Montessori 1:1, as well as team leader/ director of the Ruth Barker Project – Raising awareness of organ donation for children and their families.

1. Define yourself in 3 words:

Stoic, Organised, Pedantic

2. Tell us about your business in a few sentences:

TODDLER EDUCATION SERVICES

*The parenting 5 – simple parenting books for families – practical and independent little people, sensory motor play for little people, language and literacy, the mathematical mind and the world around.

*In home and care consultation 1:1 with parents and carers.

*Parenting and carer/teacher seminars on topics including preparing home environments, how to play with little kids, behaviour management, Montessori on a budget and an overview of Montessori.

*Fiction for little people – including Ed the Ted Picture Book

MONTESSORI 1:1

*Private practice in Gilberton working with preschoolers, early literacy for reception and year one and special needs tutoring.

THE RUTH BARKER PROJECT

*Raising awareness of organ donation for children and their families – production of tools to teach about organ donation.  Ed the Ted bear for Preschool, Ed the Ted Book and animation for Junior Primary and stickers, posters and a you tube film for teenagers and adults.

3. What is the best thing about owning your own business:

Independence! I am a little pedantic too… so like to have my own space…

4. If you could go back to the day it started and you could tell yourself one thing what would it be:

Stick to your beliefs and don’t let anyone steer you from your chosen path – believe in yourself.

5.  What is the most helpful piece of advice anyone has given you:

My 86 year old Dad gave me this advice years ago and I live by it ‘Life Is full of peaks and troughs. One has to walk the valleys to get up the mountains’.

6. What is one tip you would give for balancing your family/personal life with your work life:

Organise your home! I write on the subject. This includes all parts of the home for adults and children and includes as the basis a family budget.  Without basic organisation there will be chaos no doubt! Especially imperative for little children between 1 and 4 who are finding their way to independence.

7.  When I look back on my career I remember:

How hard I fought for my life and just how far I have come despite! I am bloody proud of myself.

8. When you are down in the dumps how do you get yourself back up:

It’s all in the mind! One must delve deep for their inner strength.  At the end the only person who can help you, is you!  And Pilates….love it!

9. What couldn’t you live without:

My husband Kevin, my rock, my love, my life (and my two kittens…). Red wine helps too!

10. What is the quality you love most about your partner/husband:

Oh God! Now I don’t have one…. he’s just the world to me, kind, bloody bright, on the ball, doesn’t take any crap from others, he’s walked a damn long road with me and I love him like it was yesterday that we met (which was January 2 1997 in the Sari club in Bali).

11.What is one of the proudest moments of your life:

Waking up after a bi lateral lung transplant 21 months ago and having that breathing tube out! Knowing I survived 41 years of horrid terminal disease!  There are others, Uni was a big one after spending so much of my life in hospital as a child).

12. What is one of the saddest moments of your life? And what helped you get through it:

Without doubt, the death of my mother at 10 years old – and no I didn’t get through it!  Drink, drugs, self-harm and serious suicide thoughts.   I whisked myself off to Europe at 22 to run away for 4 or so years – I came back with a better headspace after seeing ‘life’.

13.  What gets you fired up:

Ignorance and laziness.  I don’t do woe is me types, especially when I can see a clear path for them but they refuse to acknowledge it.

14. Which three things would you take on an island for one week:

Kevin, Daisy and Jarvis – simple – the rest does not matter – Kevin tells me I need to exchange one of the cats for his surfboard!

15.  Funniest moment:

When my uncle used to call me his ‘little galah’ when I was small – I was always cracking jokes and laughing…

16.  Favourite quote:

‘Unless you’ve walked someone’s journey don’t judge, for you have no idea’

17. What’s the #1 most played song:

At the moment – Alive by Empire of the Sun – It’s the track on the RUTH BARKER PROJECT short film about how we feel after organ transplant.

18.What sound do you love:

Water flowing in nature…

19. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

I would stay here in my early 40’s. I’m healthy and I don’t take crap from others.

20. What would you name the autobiography of your life:

‘That was tricky but I damn well made it!’

21.  What was the last experience that made you a stronger person:

Two things – umpteen IVF cycles after cancer (which all failed) and then a bi lateral lung transplant and the proceedings that have followed including public speaking and beginning THE RUTH BARKER PROJECT – I just have to get on with it because kids, teens and young adults need me!!

22. What has helped you make your way through unsuccessful IVF cycles:

Frankly, I had bigger concerns because my Cystic Fibrosis took over, however, in the first instance I was not really that concerned by it but by cycle number 5 out of 17,  I began to get emotional.

23. What would you tell someone who is just starting IVF:

Go in with realistic expectations – it doesn’t work for everyone.  And secondly never to IVF when you are already under stress.  My transplant doctor said to me “gorgeous seeds, bad soil” – in other words, we made beautiful embryos but my body was under too much stress from CF to carry them.

24. What do you wish someone had told you about IVF:

That people are naïve about it! When I first started IVF people would make jokes, they are no longer my friends.  And also, be prepared for anxiety.  Have good relaxation techniques in hand.

25. Anything else you would like to add:

Life can be a long hard road.  The only person who will get you through is you.  If you can’t find the inner strength then go get help from a professional, woe is me is never good for anyone.

Rebecca Paul is a Principal Counsellor at Eshé Counselling. She has been counselling for over 10 years and is passionate about helping individuals achieve the best LIFE possible. Rebecca specialises in all things “she” related including marriage and relationships and provides the space and expertise for women navigating through a variety of issues. You can see her website here http://www.eshecounselling.com.au or book an appointment by calling her on this number 0433 792 705

More than just “Mummy”

One of the greatest joys in my life is being a mum.  I will always be a mum. The joys of that are never far from my mind because I experience them everyday (well most days).  However sometimes what we do forget is the “she” part of us – the woman, who is a mother and so much more. But, because we can go so long without thinking or practicing the ‘so much more’ part we can forget what that actually is.

I often reflect on the lioness, whenever she kills something in the wild she feasts first and then the cubs have what is left over. She doesn’t eat first because she thinks she is most important, she knows that if she doesn’t sustain herself then she can’t sustain and protect her cubs.  I think this metaphor is beautiful and worth reflecting on for all mothers; if you put time and energy into YOURSELF then everyone benefits! Why? Simply because you feel more alive!

So how do we ‘feed’ ourselves? Tough question when I spend most days putting a baby to sleep, transporting his sister to and from kindy, and doing a continuous clean up of my kitchen! If I get a latte in its a great day! But I know how much better I feel (and am) as a mum, wife, friend and everything else if I manage to ‘feed’ myself at some point.  Even the occasional walk at the beach, shallot cakes with my bestie, dip in the ocean with my husband, or shaking my booty at my friends chakra dance class all feed that ‘she’ part of me.  They put a spring back in my step and remind me of who I am as a woman and what I love. Without question that is my family, but I love friends, eating out, dancing, movies and deep and meaningful conversations too!

So when we make our way out of the baby haze and start to ponder, “Who am I now?” it can be an exciting time.  The more time you spend with yourself the easier these answers will be to find.  We want to meld the beauty that motherhood has brought to our lives with the essence of who we are.

So the questions I will leave you with are:

1. How do/can you ‘feed’ yourself?

2. Who are you, and what do you want your life to be about?

Rebecca Paul is a Principal Counsellor at Eshé Counselling. She has been counselling for over 10 years and is passionate about helping individuals achieve the best LIFE possible. Rebecca specialises in all things “she” related including marriage and relationships and provides the space and expertise for women navigating through a variety of issues. You can see her website here http://www.eshecounselling.com.au or book an appointment by calling her on this number 0433 792 705

Ok Wonder Woman fill me in………………….

Ok wonder woman fill me in!

How do you do it?

Manage a house hold, go to work and still manage to look smoking hot in an outfit most of us post baby mums would shudder at the thought of!!!

It so easy to look around and think everyone else is wonder-woman and getting it all done, when I really am not!  I often see women in my counselling room who are buckling under the pressure of doing it all. It always seems that everyone else can do it all and be their playing with the kids too.

I can totally relate to this.  I am a mother of two, I work part time and run a FULL TIME household.  The jobs of the house seem unrelenting, there is always something to be done, plus making delicious healthy meals for my family which I love but it all takes time. Balancing this with being a mum who wants to play with and have fun with my children aswell is difficult.  The pressures of the house are ALWAYS  calling!!!  It’s so easy to keep trying to do everything – but the truth of the matter is no-one can do everything!! I think as women it would be so beneficial if we could give up this idea of trying to do it all and lay our cards out and say ’well actually I can’t do it all, but I do what I can, and I do it well’.

I think if we all shared our top tricks for making our house holds work, then we could share in the sister hood of wonder woman!

So let me share first, some of the things that have helped me:

1.  Asking for help when I need it from my husband, my husband it truly amazing and helps whenever he can but sometimes I can forget to ASK (you can’t assume they know what you need) you have to ask.

2. Some of the tricks from the organised housewife on Facebook has been really helpful, like putting washing on at dinner time and then there is usually 2 of you to hang it out, making sure I have something out for dinner tomorrow before I go to bed tonight, just little things that make it a lot easier.

3. I recently bought a thermomix,…………. life changing …….enough said!

4. Just packing up the toys at the end of the day, not every 5 mins!!!

5. I section out time just to play with the kids, not half cooking and kinda playing but fully present in their world.

6. I explain to my children that mummies have jobs to do and sometimes I need to do those.

So please share with me and the 20,000 other woman who will read this, what helps you?

And maybe it’s not about being Wonder Woman but being …………….?

Rebecca Paul is a Principal Counsellor at Eshé Counselling. She has been counselling for over 10 years and is passionate about helping individuals achieve the best LIFE possible. Rebecca specialises in all things “she” related including marriage and relationships and provides the space and expertise for women navigating through a variety of issues. You can see her website here http://www.eshecounselling.com.au or book an appointment by calling her on this number 0433 792 705